I never seen it coming ..

I was warned time and time again to enjoy those babys .. grandma always said the spiderwebs could wait .. but babys dont keep .. but time has her perfect work as history tells us .. but when its you it dont feel like its gonna be you .. we feel so bulletproof and really never listen to the wise til its too late .. not all the time but most .. my biggest fear was that I would never have them when I was ready to pop .. it felt like forever when I was pregnant and they were babys .. time dragged on .. I think our clock changes as we get older .. no im certain of it .. were on a new time now .. Our time .. I was in mourning for almost 7 years now since my first went off to fight a war .. I thought it would surely kill me than .. I wasted another year of my life on Ativan to fight off the anxiety .. and a couple years pass and I lost my sweet sweet Michael my step son but I helped raise him to a brutal murder.. I took Ativan for another year to get through that .. by that time Max graduated and Kaleb was well on his way .. five years had gone by .. zow .. my hope to you .. is that you enjoy your children and believe it when told they grow fast and will be gone .. it would be wise to get it in your head to know that after their gone your gonna have to learn a New Kind of Normal .. I have let the past go and the what ifs and quit blaming myself for not being perfect .. I think we all wished we could go back and do it again .. they are all successful so what more could a mother ask for .. ? they dont call me as of this writing except the oldest but I know someday theyll slow down and get time for me .. its funny I didnt have time for them than and they dont have time for me now .. isnt that funny ? just like the song Cats in the Cradle .. im healing .. im learning .. how to survive without their laughter and the feel of their hearts .. I bring them to memory on the days they layed at my breast and know in my heart no matter how far away they are or how long it is .. really I can grab my heart and know that its the beat of theirs too .. for they are mine and in my heart .. ill hold them there and thank God everyday for the joy of being able to have such beautiful sons and relish the idea of all their successes .. God Bless my babes ..