What kind of bird were you ?

I was a Woodpecker if there ever was one with me and my kids .. Poor guys .. I was always pecking away .. no wonder they relished my sleep so much .. lol .. I just found a picture of half my nest .. no wonder it has taken 7 long years of empty nest syndrome to get over the pain of losing your five children .. and yes in a way it feels like they die and go away forever .. A new season has come but I sure do miss them .. Three are lined along the back with My ex and Me and huge dog Maxine too.. its too crowded for just us .. and two are missing and were straining to fit .. into one lense .. lol .. now I strain to fill the space .. im sure it will fill up soon as we all know nothing stays void forever .. No season lasts forever ! Every good bird knows Winters a coming around again .. and than spring summer and Fall .. it never fails .. Peace isnt it nice to know that some things do remain the same ! 

Menopause Is it a curse or a new beginning?

Im on the edge of 45 and this is a topic I have never wanted to discuss but it is quite necessary it seems to be disrupting my life and the very Peace in my core .. I feel as though the woman I once was is shedding .. where is she going ? Who comes after her .. ? Will she be pretty .. will she be strong like the woman that once stood like a lion over her cubs .. Will it weaken her or make her strong ? How longs it gonna take .. I feel like the Wolfman right now as I write this .. im undergoing Hormone therapy which is apparently risky and there seems to be no right answer to the benefits of it .. Quality with risk .. or dry up .. thats pretty much our choice as women .. so it feels .. I have not begun to even delve into this topic because I had hoped it would pass before I noticed it showing .. Its showing like a Huge Neon Light .. Men buy sports cars and we get the needle .. and thats okay .. im gonna embrace my journey on a positive note .. I started with a broom .. and started sweeping out the cobwebs of the past .. the dang broom kept coming off but I just keep putting it back .. I figure if I keep sweeping Ill look back and everything will come out nice and clean .. were just experiencing some dust for now .. literally and figuratively .. Until later my friends .. 

I never seen it coming ..

I was warned time and time again to enjoy those babys .. grandma always said the spiderwebs could wait .. but babys dont keep .. but time has her perfect work as history tells us .. but when its you it dont feel like its gonna be you .. we feel so bulletproof and really never listen to the wise til its too late .. not all the time but most .. my biggest fear was that I would never have them when I was ready to pop .. it felt like forever when I was pregnant and they were babys .. time dragged on .. I think our clock changes as we get older .. no im certain of it .. were on a new time now .. Our time .. I was in mourning for almost 7 years now since my first went off to fight a war .. I thought it would surely kill me than .. I wasted another year of my life on Ativan to fight off the anxiety .. and a couple years pass and I lost my sweet sweet Michael my step son but I helped raise him to a brutal murder.. I took Ativan for another year to get through that .. by that time Max graduated and Kaleb was well on his way .. five years had gone by .. zow .. my hope to you .. is that you enjoy your children and believe it when told they grow fast and will be gone .. it would be wise to get it in your head to know that after their gone your gonna have to learn a New Kind of Normal .. I have let the past go and the what ifs and quit blaming myself for not being perfect .. I think we all wished we could go back and do it again .. they are all successful so what more could a mother ask for .. ? they dont call me as of this writing except the oldest but I know someday theyll slow down and get time for me .. its funny I didnt have time for them than and they dont have time for me now .. isnt that funny ? just like the song Cats in the Cradle .. im healing .. im learning .. how to survive without their laughter and the feel of their hearts .. I bring them to memory on the days they layed at my breast and know in my heart no matter how far away they are or how long it is .. really I can grab my heart and know that its the beat of theirs too .. for they are mine and in my heart .. ill hold them there and thank God everyday for the joy of being able to have such beautiful sons and relish the idea of all their successes .. God Bless my babes ..